Dear Conor
Dear Conor,
We were just watching some videos of you and listening to you laugh. I love that laugh so much. I wish so badly that you were here with us, preparing for Christmas. Tessa was talking about you a lot today. She made a Christmas list for you and said that you wanted a lion and a dinosaur, so we got you those things. She keeps saying, "I love Conor the most; he is my best friend in the whole world" and I know that is definitely true. Everything that happens, she wants to share with you. We got walkie talkies at Walgreens and she immediately designated the second one to you and wanted to show it to you. When she goes in the shopping cart at the grocery store, she is always sure to point out that the second steering wheel is yours. As mad as it used to make her, I think she misses you stealing her steering wheel.
We got a Christmas tree. We went to Jones Farm and Daddy actually cut it down. It wasn't the same without you. Nothing is the same without you. At meal times, especially dinner, your spot at the table is so lonely.
Tessa is hating bath time and I think that is because she misses playing with you. It was one of the many things you took the lead on for her.
I hope that you are with us as we are getting ready for Christmas and that you feel how much we love and miss you. I want so badly to just wake up and have this all be a bad dream. I like to think about how you would be if you got a chance to grow up. I think you would make friends easily with that amazing smile and lovable spirit. I like to think that you would look out for other people and be the one to help if someone needed it.
Every second of every day, my heart is with you. There are times that I smile or laugh, times that it looks like I'm holding it together, but in all these times, my heart is still broken, missing you. Life will never be the same without you. I want to hold you and hug you and never let you go, but I know that I can't. I know you have so much love around you. You are the most perfect, most special boy. Every day with you was a blessing. I love you so much.
Love, Mommy
